The Importance of Small Acts of Self-Compassion

When we think about self-compassion, a lot of the conversation has to do with handling tough times and dealing with struggle. And while many misconstrue self-compassion for self-indulgence or self-pity, it is in fact the foundation of authenticity, self-awareness, and personal growth. Self-compassion is about extending the kindness, nurturing and humanity we easily extend to those around us to ourselves as well. By fostering a gentler orientation towards ourselves we free up precious energy wasted on internal judgement, blame, and shame. This can be especially hard to practice in the heat of hard moments. For this reason, it’s valuable to explore integrating small acts of self-compassion into your daily life so that you feel more regulated to begin with and have a practiced skill and capacity available when struggles inevitably arrive. I hesitate to use the word ‘habit’ which has connotations of being on auto-pilot, when self-compassion is a mindful intention, but there is definitely an element of practice in order to begin developing a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

Here are three ways to start practicing small acts of self-compassion in your daily life:

1.     Nurture yourself with regular caring acts – the way you’d make soup for a sick family member, or bring an extra blanket to a guest, or sit with a friend when they’ve had a hard time, these are gifts you can give yourself. Most importantly, this can mean tuning in to what would feel like a loving gesture to you – maybe it’s putting on your favourite music more often, or cooking your favourite meal, or allowing more time for creative pursuits. Taking the time to care for yourself on a regular basis in small ways, not just when the hard times hit means you’ll already be experienced in practices that help you feel supported and you’ll be starting from a baseline of greater balance.

2.     Notice when self-judgement comes in in daily life – start paying attention to when your self-judgement voice shows up in the little things, not just the big ones can go a long way to greater self-awareness and healing some of the guilt and shame spiral we all experience. Start really small, maybe small thoughts of ‘ugh why am I always late’ or ‘why can’t I stay on task’ or ‘gosh I’m so bad at getting the laundry done.’ Noticing and pausing when those tape-loops come up and just calling it what it is, ‘oof that was judgemental.’ The key is to not be judgemental about our inner judgement (we all do it, and it can be overwhelming when we first start to pay attention to it.) Explore whether noticing helps you let go a little bit of how that judgement feels in your body; some are easier that others, the ‘stickier’ ones may be helpful to unpack with some support.

3.     Dial down the urgency whenever you can – most of us, most of the time, are in a little bit of a rush. Whether it’s rushing to get somewhere, chopping vegetable for the dinner, or getting ready for the day, we tend to do things in an all-fire hurry. However, having that urgency in your body frequently does nothing to finish the job quicker, it just makes it more unpleasant. A massively self-compassionate act, that we can all find many instances of I’m sure, is to notice when that tendency to rush shows up, and see if a little more ease or relaxation can be brought it. Some hurrying for sure will still have to happen from time to time, but quite a lot can be brought down. When we do this, we can notice how much gentler it is to ourselves, and how much more regulated we feel when we’re more self-compassionate with the intensity we bring to things.

Self-compassion is more than a fire extinguisher for getting through hard times, it’s an orientation towards yourself that allows you to live your life with greater attunement and ease in the moment and long-term allows for deeper self-awareness, and permission to grow into a more authentic way of being. By practicing self-compassion in your life through small acts of self-compassion you can create a calmer, kinder, more regulated world for yourself and those around you.

xo

Want to read more on Self-Compassion:

Is Self Compassion letting yourself off the hook?

Meeting your feelings with sensitivity and compassion

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