A good place to start on your Authenticity journey

We are all craving authenticity. 
We want to be ourselves and be loved as we are and we want those around us to be more authentic as well.

We crave not just authenticity but authentic connection, depth, and meaning.

There's a sort of problem though - while we recognize authenticity as this thing we're craving, and we certainly recognize when we're missing it, we don't really know how to actually start doing it. To make things a bit worse, cultural messages are abound with over-simplistic platitudes of "BE YOURSELF" and the idea that being yourself or behaving authentically is just doing whatever spontaneous thing pops into your head at any given time, which like, cool, I guess? but that doesn't seem to be quite it.

So today I wanted to share a bit of the 'in-a-nutshell' version of what authenticity is and the number one place to start working with the drive to greater authenticity (and some ways to start exploring that for you!)

Making sense of who you are, where you fit into the world and making sense of your life are age old questions - welcome to the journey! I find it fascinating that deep psychological and philosophical thinkers like Carl Rogers and Rollo May both call this journey to authenticity "becoming a person." Giddy up!

What does it mean to be AUTHENTIC?

There are three main components:

1. The actual dynamics that live within you - deep cognitions, physiological sensations, emotional patterns, etc

2. Our awareness and access to those inner dynamics

3. Our behaviour in the world and how we act, show up, and make choices

All three of these components swim in the sea of social and cultural context - both present and historical.

When there is a disconnect between components 2 and 3 - the inner awareness and behaviour - that is disingenuousness, being phony, etc. HOWEVER most of the time that's not the thing we're struggling with when we want to feel more authentic, more emotional depth, and more inner alignment.  In fact, just by the fact that you're here and reading this and do feel like you crave authenticity, I really don't think you're a big fake faker being a phony in the world.

The area most people who are craving authenticity are actually struggling with is a disconnect between components 1 and 2 - the underlying dynamics and our awareness of them - when we struggle in this area self-alienation occurs. I want to be myself, I want to be connected, I want to live in alignment, but I actually don't know how to do that, or what my 'self' really is.

OOof right? All of a sudden we've arrived at a much different question where the answer is a lot richer that "BE YOURSELF!"

So where's that number one way to begin living authentically I promised?
 

Start paying attention to what's happening inside you - in your physical body and emotional world (which are actually kind of the same thing)

There are lots of ways to practice this, and I'll share a few, but first and foremost, it's a choice to start noticing, and when possible invite some curiosity

Here are some places to start:

Right now - take a pause and notice: 1) am I aware of body right now or do I feel disconnected right now? 2) What's alive for me right now - check in briefly with sensations, emotions, thoughts and just notice that

Reflect - generally speaking, do you feel quite attuned to your body? Do you feel quite aware of and attuned to some of the dynamics of your inner world? Can you explore your inner world with curiosity vs trying urgently to fix and change?

Practice - My two favourite practices for developing this inner attunement are the RAIN practice to build tolerance and compassion for our emotional experiences (check out lots of guided RAIN meditations on YouTube for this) and working with the inner system. Each of us have a lot of inner needs that are trying to be met, and sometimes there is tension between them  - building more awareness of the various parts of our personalities, where they came from and what they are trying to do, can give great insight to our deep inner dynamics and help gently bring more of what's under the surface into awareness. This is one of the main practices I use in coaching and has been integral to my own growth towards authenticity.

Here's a parting thought I'll leave you with - when we are attuned to our deeper layers of being, more aware of how our environments and experiences have shaped our inner experiences, and care about being sensitive to our inner world the easier it becomes to behave in alignment and authenticity. Outer alignment flows quite naturally from inner attunement.

If you're on an authenticity journey in any way shape or form, I solute you, it's an enriching and enlivening journey, this 'becoming a person'

xo
Martha