Resilience - building a deep well
There are three ways to think of resilience using the metaphor of a tree, and they all have to do with the ways in which we weather the storms life throws our way.
The first tree is the strong oak tree, which stays strong and steady through the wind and rain.
The second is a willow tree, which bends and is tossed by the storm but bounces back quickly.
The third is a tree that gets knocked down or broken by the storm, but eventually grows back, in a different form than it began in.
The severity of the storms you encounter will no doubt shape the experience, but also the conditions in which your tree is living. Much of our external conditions may not be in our control but in our inner landscape we can start to build a deep well that we can draw on when times are challenging. There are many ways we can foster a deeper well, here are three of my favourites
1. Attune to your body
2. Attune to your mind
3. Orient toward meaning
Many of us live from the shoulders up and don’t really connect to our bodies other than the burden of caring for our physical self. But there is so much to be gained by attuning to the body, both physically and emotionally. We can care for our basic needs by noticing what gives us energy and helps us feel more vital – basics like sleep, eating enough, getting some movement in. We can also start to be aware of how our emotions and stress affect our bodies and practice gradually re-connecting with the body. Taking care of basic needs and being more attuned to our bodies helps us be more resilient because we can notice sooner when we are becoming dysregulated and can provide ourselves with support to feel more grounded and cared for.
Attuning to the mind means noticing the way we may be spending our mental energy that are too expensive. By working with self-compassion, we can gain much deeper self-awareness and do the healing work necessary to shift our relationships with the inner critic, with worry, and mind chatter. This works together with attuning to the body to build our tolerance for difficult emotions, uncertainty, and the swirl of inner thoughts we are often swept up in. All of this supports our resilience, even though it is an ongoing process, not a quick fix.
Connecting to a sense of meaning in life is powerful for building resilience, as well as staying optimistic and energized. Notice that it’s about meaning IN life rather than finding the meaning OF life. A sense of meaning in life means connecting to your values, your own philosophy of life, and then living that in small or big ways. Often prioritizing meaning means connecting to the people and causes that matter most to you, and bringing that awareness into everyday life.
By connecting to these three big sources of energy, gradually and over time, we can build a deep well to draw on when the storms come. We may find that we can stand tall through more, bounce back quicker, and also tolerate being broken knowing that we will grow through what we go through. Human beings are incredibly resilient, strong, and inspiring, and if we are able to build a deep well of attuned meaning, we can weather the storms together and use that energy for good in the world.
- Martha
