Centering Self-Compassion on your Fitness Journey
Self-compassion is caring for and about yourself the way you would care for a dear friend. Positive behaviour change focuses on self-compassion as a key component of well-being and self-care. All too frequently the messages and marketing from the fitness industry tell you that you’re not enough, then sell products and services by telling you that that they will change you to make you lovable and worthy. That is simply untrue. You, like every human being on the planet, are inherently worthy of love and belonging.
Research on self-compassion has shown that it is hugely helpful both for adopting new health habits and for improving body image. Kristen Neff, one of the world’s foremost researchers on the topic of self-compassion, describes the three elements of self-compassion. (Source: selfcompassion.org) We can apply each element to our journey into fitness.
1. Self-Kindness vs Self-Judgement – This is all about giving ourselves permission to be human. We are going to be imperfect and sometimes life gets in the way. Rather than get angry or frustrated with ourselves when we fall short, how can we chose to respond with kindness and understanding instead? When it comes to exercise, you can have the perfect program, and all your ducks in a row, but life will still happen. We need to expect there will be times when we don’t show up perfectly, or that sometimes we don’t show up at all. Rather than get down on ourselves for not being perfect, we need to allow that no one is perfect, life will continue to happen, and we can only do our best. And our best is enough. Conversely, if we wait until everything is perfect, we will never begin, so starting from a place of “good enough” can be hugely helpful.
2. Common Humanity vs Isolation – We often feel like we alone struggle with the issues that affect us. That it’s ‘just me’ who can’t get my life together to work out, and get this health thing right. Or that it’s ‘just me’ who can’t just block out the negative mind chatter about my body. The reality of the human condition is that we all struggle. We may struggle with different issues to different degrees, but we are absolutely not alone in our discomforts. As it pertains to exercise and mindset, many people feel like a personal failure if previous attempts to get more active haven’t worked. Those people are actually the majority. Knowing that you’re not alone in the struggle can help, and knowing that you can always try something different going forward.
3. Mindfulness vs Over-Identification – when we have negative thoughts or emotions crop up, it can be hard to not feel that our body image and mindset work has been a failure. Rather than get overly affected by these thoughts and feelings or trying to shut them out completely, we can take a mindful approach where we acknowledge the feeling but don’t get stuck in them. Mindfulness is all about noticing without judging the thought that come up, remaining curious rather than spiralling out if insecurities arise. An example could be having an automatic negative body image thought come up when putting on a swimsuit for the first time in a while, a common experience. Being mindful could be saying to yourself “hmm that’s interesting that I had that thought, bathing suits used to always make me feel vulnerable before so it makes sense. A lot of people struggle with bathing suit season, which is the result of the diet-culture system that harms a lot of people, including me. I am learning to love myself as I am, and remind myself that all bodies are good bodies.” We give ourselves permission to be human, with the full range of human emotions, even the ones that feel painful, sad, or angry.
Yes we are working on building exercise habits, but we are human beings, with full lives, rich histories and the full spectrum of the human emotion. Rooting our goals in self-compassion allows for acknowledging that and moving away from shame or judgement. Self-compassion is first and foremost a practice: an on-going choice to care for ourselves the way would care for a loved-one. Bringing that intention into a new relationship with exercise and our bodies is profound.
